FrontierVille Hilarious Mission Series makes a game of Zynga's game

Bull@%!#
While these missions aren't actually in FrontierVille, you'll probably wish they were after taking a look at a few of them. A friend and fan of FrontierVille Info, Alexander Cain, employed some Photoshop magic to the standard FrontierVille Goal window for some gut-splitting albeit potentially offensive parodies of the game. Take Cain's first mission, "Bull@%!#," for example. It's description reads, "Trying to sort through all of the connection problems, begging requests, missed quests, crashes and overpriced decorations is sure a load of you-know-what! See if you can come up with a load of you-know-what on your own!"

To complete the Goal, you would fittingly enough have to collect 10 Meadow Muffins, sell 20 Adult Oxen and buy 10 Shovels. Another funny Mission, titled "Quit Arson Around," is described as, "Suspicious fires have been popping up all around your frontier lately; no one seems to know who is responsible. Maybe if you bought more Horseshoes, these things wouldn't happen." Thankfully, Zynga isn't that vindictive, but if they were at least we happen to have the tools to put them out.

Some of the more potentially offensive Missions include "Alone at Last," which reads, "A nice neighbor has taken the kids off your hands for the evening, leaving just you and your spouse. Search your homestead and your heart for some appropriate items for both fun AND pleasure," and "Cruci-fix'un!" We'll leave that last Goal to your imaginations, but check out the original post for even better laughs.

CityVille Dance Studio Goals: Everything you need to know

Even though we're in the middle of St. Patrick's Day, new Goals have arrived in CityVille surrounding two brand new buildings: The Dance Studio and Fine Arts Theatre. Alexi, a Russian dance instructor, has emigrated from his homeland to CityVille (which we should assume is in the US?) and needs your help to get his famous Dance Studio back in gear and bring some culture to your city. We have the details behind the break, but keep in mind that this is mostly early information. Some bits of information, like rewards, are unavailable.
Alexi Goals
Dance in the City (Part 1):

    Have 4 Modern Chateaus
    Get 3 Pairs of Ballet Shoes
    Gather 3 CD Players


Modern Chateaus are available in the Market for 1,500 coins, but is only available after completing "The Burger Joint," a Goal in which players complete the Burger Joint business and unlock the Modern Chateau. It takes only 3 Energy to construct and provides 60 population. The Pairs of Ballet Shoes are a friend request item, so just ask away from the Goal's menu. Finally, CD Players are part of the Main Street Collection and drop at random when collecting from the Loft Apartments and Stylish Contemporary homes. The Fine Arts Theatre will unlock as your reward, which costs a whopping 14 thousand coins and allows for 370 more Population.

Fine Arts TheatreFine Arts Theatre (Part 2):

    Have one Fine Arts Theatre
    Collect from any Fine Arts Theatre twice
    Supply your Franchises twice


Since the Fine Arts Theatre unlocked as a reward for completing the first Goal, this one should be easy as pie. Just build up that Theatre, which we're sure involves staffing like all community buildings. Then, collect from it twice and supply your Franchises in the mean time. On average, community buildings will take one day before being open to collection again, so this Goal will take you at least two days.
Find Lost Luggage (Part 3):

    Have 7 Leotards
    Collect from Cosmetic Stores 10 times
    Have 2 Street Clocks


The seven Leotards will come from asking your friends through the Goal menu. The Cosmetic Store is a Business that I can't imagine many players having. So, if you're one of them, the building costs 1,900 coins and takes 3 Energy to build. Street Clocks are Free Gift decorations, so throw them on your Wish List and send friends some so that they might return the favor.

Dance StudioBallet to Stay (Part 4):

    Place one Dance Studio
    Collect from Dance Studio 5 times
    Send 40 Tour Buses


We imagine that because this Goal requires you to construct the Dance Studio that the reward for the third Goal is unlocking the Dance Studio. Regardless, the building costs 5,300 coins and earns 528 coins for every 120 Goods supplied. Then, you'll have to collect from this Business five times--the more Population you have, the faster you can collect from Businesses. Finally, you must send 40 Tour Buses to your friends, meaning that you have to visit them and tend to their Businesses rather than tending crops or collecting from homes. With that, these Goals are finished and you have two brand new buildings.

[Sources: CityVille Goals and Tutorials XO]

[Image Credit: CityVille Feed]

Check out the rest of our CityVille Cheats & Tips right here.
Have you completed any of these Goals yet? What tips do you have for completing these Goals any faster?

CityVille Higher Education Goals: Everything you need to know

According to Zynga, it's time to get edumacated in CityVille. Well, through a new set of "Higher Education" Goals, that is. Rolling in the new High Education theme, these seven--count 'em!--Goals will guide you along in acquiring some of this new content. Now, let's find out from this early information just how you're going to keep on the books.

Downtown Library1. Louise's Homework

    Have 1 Downtown Library
    Collect from any Downtown Library 3 times


Clearly, the Downtown Library will be the first building you purchase from the new theme. For 20 thousand coins (this is a fairly high-level Goal), the building allows for 600 more citizens. Then, collect from it thrice and you're good to go. (Note: This is early information, so details, like Rewards, aren't available.)

Higher Education!

    Ask friends for 3 New Books
    Collect 1 Fountain Pen from the Bookworm Collection
    Collect rent from 40 Residences


This Goal should have an option to ask friends for New Books from right within the menu. The Bookworm Collection, which can only be connected to the Downtown Library, will fill as you collect from the building. Frankly, that third requirement is just going to take some time.

Edgar Gets Flunky

    Collect from Franchises 2 times
    Send 30 Tour Buses to neighbors' Businesses
    Collect from any Bank 2 times


If you have more than one Franchise, this first requirement will be even easier. When you break it down, that's six friend visits to send out 30 Tour Buses. And collecting from any Bank twice is simple enough.

Education Rules

    Visit 15 friends
    Ask friends for 10 Pro Education Posters


You mean just visited your friends in the previous Goal? Zynga doesn't care! Go do it again, darnit--and do it with spunk! OK, Zynga never said that, but just visit 15 friends. Then, ask those same friends for Pro Education Posters.

Community CollegeEdgar's College Try CityVille Mission

    Have 30,000 Coins
    Collect from any City Hall 2 times
    Ask friends for 10 Hammers


Gathering 30 thousand coins might be a challenge for some considering they just spent 20 thousand on a Library. Any way, you'll need to collect from your City Hall twice and ask friends for Hammers the old fashioned way.

Education Rises CityVille Mission

    Place Community College
    Collect from any Community College 2 times in your city
    Have 1 Crossing Guard


The Community College will presumably unlock at this point, a building that costs 30 thousand coins and brings in 1,300 Population. Collect from the building twice and then have one Crossing Guard, which we imagine is a decoration.

Bird Doctor

    Ask friends for 8 Bird Books
    Have 1 Arboretum


Asking for Bird Books will likely be done the same as time and time again. Also, this will likely unlock the Arboretum, which currently cannot be found in the game. However, it sounds as if it must be another Business or Community Building. And that's it for the Higher Education Goals--why an Arboretum is the pinnacle of education in CityVille we have no idea, but there you have it, folks.

[Source: CityVille Info]

Have you seen these Goals appear yet in your game? What tactics have you employed to complete them the most quickly?